bxli smiled at itself.
deep in that city: jon: the other day i had this dream that i was asleep by a computer. i got to the computer because someone used software to do some fraud, you know, dumb dream plot stuff. when i woke up a woman lied on me. i tried to run and she chased after me, randomly changing into things. a trilobite, floating orbs. everything she changed into would ripple and have a beige color to it. she jumped into canals of water to pursue me. i said to myself "she must be like a sylph." this was inaccurate because she was like a nixie. sylphs are air spirits, not water. symbolically in the dream i had tried to pick up young girls but they were not interested. this contrasted to the nixie who was beutiful but i still ran away. when i woke up i remembered that nixies supposedly rocked at the sex but always drowned their victims. it seemed to hold true for the idea that you only want what you can't get. it seems like all the women that are interested in me send of that "ACHTUNG! BAD NEWS" thing in me somewhere. i should learn to love what i have, but will that prophetically cause me to sink? vangunk said that art was like a pearl, the product of an oysters pain. i hear that happiness and good love destroys art. does this mean that in a way if i am happy with one kind of beuty [strong women] it numbs me to the other kind [productive virtue]? well cindy, what do you think?"